c c LADIES AND GENTLEMEN BOYS AND GIRLS AND ANY OTHER AMORPHOUS BLOBS +RC-+DDICT PROUDLY (WELL NOT REALLY THAT PROUDLY. . . . . BUT ALMOST!!) PRESENT bDEMO 2 d e OR DEMO II IF YOU WISH! cWELL, AS I PROMISED IN DEMO ONE'S SCROLLY MESSAGE, THIS IS BASICALLY A MUSIC DEMO! AS YOU HAVE PROBABLY NOTICED, THERE IS A NICE MUSIC SELECTION BAR AT THE TOP OF THE SCREEN USE THE MOUSE TO SELECT WHICH MUSIC YOU WANT -BY THE WAY ONLY SINGLE CLICK THE MOUSE NOT DOUBLE CLICK LIKE ON DESKTOP! ERRRRMMM..... THAT'S THE BRIEF INFO SORTED OUT I SUPPOSE I'D BETTER GET THE THANKYOUS OVER AND DONE WITH RIGHT, LETS KICK ASS! - e O.K THEN - THANKYOU'S ALL ROUND TO HUGO FIENNES ( THIS IS A MUSIC DEMO! ) - THANKYOU TO ALL THE AUTHORS OF THE MUSIC USED IN THIS DEMO - THANKYOU TO A CERTAIN PERSON WHO MANAGED TO COMPLETELY MUCK UP THE SCROLLING ROAD WHEN THIS DEMO WAS ONLY A TEST VERSION - THANKS TO "BATMAN" FOR THIS SCROLLY (c WHY ARE YOU CALLEDb BATMAN ???? c AND PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, CAN SOMEBODY HELP ME TO CHANGE THIS FONT!! )e - MANY THANKS TO ACORN FOR MAKING !EDIT SO INCREDIBLY SLOW - AND TA LOTS TO ANYONE ELSE WHO WISHES TO BE THANKED!!! b PHEW! c RIGHT! AFTER THE TRUE "FUNNIES" AND THE PEARLS OF WISDOM IN DEMO 1, I'VE REALLY GOT TO SEARCH FOR SOME INTERESTING THINGS TO KEEP YOU READING SO I'VE DECIDED TO COMPILE A FEW JOKES FOR YOU LETS START WITH THE AMSTRAD ERROR MESSAGE BODGE UP! c TAKE AN AVERAGE AMSTRAD PC, AND TAKE OUT THE PLUG THAT CONNECTS THE MAIN COMPUTER TO THE KEYBOARD. NOW SWITCH THE PC ON. . . . . . . . THE SCREEN SHOWS THE COMPLETELY USELESS MESSAGE " NO KEYBOARD PRESENT - PRESS ANY KEY TO CONTINUE " cNEXT ON THE LINE IS AN OLDIE FOR YOU HISTORIANS "NAPOLEON WORE A RED TUNIC SO THAT IF HE GOT SHOT, NO-ONE WOULD KNOW - HITLER WORE BROWN TROUSERS!" O.K. THIS ONE IS QUITE LONG, IN FACT IT'S A SMALL STORY, SO CONCENTRATE! " A SMALL YOUNG LAD, NAMED TOMMY, BECAME VERY ANNOYED WHEN HIS PARENTS REFUSED TO LET HIM PLAY ON HIS COMPUTER. ANGRILY, HE DECIDED TO GO ON A CYCLE-RIDE TO FORGET HIS TROUBLES. AFTER PACKING A SMALL CASE OF SANDWHICHES, HE RODE OFF. . . . . . .MANY HOURS LATER, AND MILES AWAY FROM HOME, TOMMY DECIDED TO PULL UP ONTO A LAY-BY, AND EAT HIS BACON BUTTIES. AS HE PULLED IN, HIS TYRE LET OUT A FAMILIAR "PPFFFFFFTTTTTTTT!" SOUND. "OH SMEG!" CURSED TOMMY, AS HE OPENED HIS LUNCH CASE. AFTER EATING, TOMMY PONDERED HOW HE WOULD CONTINUE WITH A FLAT TYRE. SUDDENLY, AS IF OUT OF THE BLUE, A NIFTY RED MAZDA PULLED UP ALONGSIDE HIM. "FLAT TYRE MATE?" THE DRIVER ASKED, "NO PROBS, I'LL MEND IT, & GIVE YOU A TOW TO WHEREVER YOU'RE GOING!" AMAZED, TOMMY STOOD BACK WHILE THE MAN REPAIRED THE TYRE, AND TIED THE BIKE TO THE BACK BUMPER OF THE CAR WITH AN OLD FRAYED PIECE OF ROPE. "RIGHT!" SAID THE DRIVER, "HOP ON!" TOMMY THANKED THE MAN, AND INSISTED THAT HE WOULD CYCLE, RATHER THAN BE TOWED. "AHH! NO PROBLEM, JUST YELL AND RING YOUR BELL IF I GO TOO FAST, AND YOU'LL BE O.K." THE DRIVER REASSURED HIM. SO, THEY SET OFF. . . . . . . . . TEN MILES ALONG THE ROAD, THE TWO WERE OVERTAKEN BY A PORSCHE. "HEEYYY!!!" YELLED THE DRIVER, YOU CAN'T BURN ME UP LIKE THAT!" AND HE SLAMMED HIS FOOT ON THE PEDAL. "AAAHHHHHHRRRRRGGGGGGG!" YELLED TOMMY. THIS WENT ON FOR FIVE MINUTES, UNTIL FURTHER UP THE ROAD, WHERE THE PORSCHE WAS OVERTAKEN BY A FERRARI. "HEY MAN! YOU CAN'T DO THAT" SHOUTED THE PORSCHE DRIVER, AND PUT PEDAL TO THE METAL! "I'LL STILL GET YOU!" SHOUTED THE MAZDA DRIVER, AND ACCERATED FURTHER. "AAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!" SCREAMED TOMMY, RINGING THE BELL ON HIS BIKE, "YOU'RE GOING TOOOO FAST!!" THE FERRARI PULLED ONTO THE MOTORWAY, AND SO DID THE PORSCHE, AND SO DID THE MAZDA, AND SO DID TOMMY! VROOOMM!!!! THE CARS PASSED A POLICE CHECKPOINT AT THE SIDE OF THE MOTORWAY. THE POLICEMAN INSIDE JUMPED UP, "SARGE, SARGE, THIS IS REALLY WIERD!!" "WHAT?" REPLIED THE SERGEANT BACK AT H.Q. "WELL," SAID THE POLICEMAN, "I'VE GOT A FERRARI DOING 140 MPH, A PORSCHE TRYING TO OVERTAKE HIM, AND A MAZDA TRYING TO OVERTAKE AS WELL. BUT THE FUNNY THING IS. . .THERE'S A YOUNG LAD ON A PUSHBIKE, SHOUTING AND RINGING HIS BELL LIKE MAD, TRYING TO OVERTAKE THE THREE OF THEM!!!!" b c IF YOU DIDN'T GET THAT THEN WAIT FOR IT TO CROP UP AGAIN, BECAUSE I'M NOT TYPING OUT THAT LOT TWICE!!! O.K. THEN.........I ADMIT.........THE JOKES WERE NAFF!!! AND TALKING OF "NAFF" DON'T YOU JUST HATE THE COATS THAT SAY "NAFFNAFF" ON THE BACK! WE ARE DECIDING AT PRESENT WHETHER OUR NEW LABEL IS WORTH RELEASING........APTLY CALLED .........."CRAPCRAP"d ANYWAY ENOUGH OF THAT b AND NOW WITHOUT ADO THE HELLOSd GET READY FOR THIS!! HELLO TO..d eMARTIN ( IT'S NOT ALL WORK, WORK, WORK!! ) DAVID PAUL ( DON'T THINK ABOUT LIFE TOOOOOOO MUCH!! ) STEVE DOM ( SHALL SAY NOTHIN' ) NEIL ( TRY TO KEEP THAT MOTORBIKE AWAY FROM ME! ) ANDY JAMES ( ALIAS MR. DEVIOUS AND MANIPULATIVE - ANYWAY CONGRATULATIONS ON PASSING YOUR DRIVING TEST!!! ) ANDREW SUGGY ( IF YOU'RE NOT COLD NOW, YOU NEVER WILL BE! ) LEON ( WHY DON'T YOU WRITE TO KRISALIS IF YOU WANT TOKI ON THE +RCHIMEDES ) SHAUN ( RAVE, RAVE, RAVE! -------NOT!!!)d WARREN & KESTER ( HOW COME YOU'VE GOT 4MBYTES!! YOU DON'T bNEED 3MB OF FONT CACHE!!)c eBRENT ( A COPPER - HA!!! ) NEIL GLEN AND WHOEVER ELSE I KNOW OR WHO KNOWS ME OR WHATEVER!! HELLO TO ANY CAVERS CLIMBERS OR COMPUTER ADDICTS OUT IN THE BIG WIDE WORLD HELLO TO ANYONE IN WALLINGFORD / CROWMARSH IN OXFORDSHIRE, ENGLAND I'LL BE AMAZED IF THIS DEMO GETS TO ALL MY OLD FRIENDS UP THERE!!! HELLO TO ALL IN ST. ALBANS ESPECIALLY STUART JACKSON!!! HELLO MUM! IT'S AMAZING HOW LOADS OF TEXT GOES SO QUICKLY AT THIS SPEED HELLO TO ANDY SWAIN GORDON KEY NIGEL LITTLE ( OF SWIV FAME! ) STUART TYRELL BIA ARC ANGELS ARMAGEDDON ARMAXESS ZODIAC GOD INC. RAWHEAD VISIONARY DESIGN FLUMPSOFT MR. M ARCHIMA c ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ....................................................................................... I SHOULD BE GETTING RISC-OS 3.10 SOON! HOPEFULLY BUG FREE! -SOME HOPE! AND NOW OVER TO THE GUY WHO TRASHED UP THE SCROLLY ROAD A LITTLE WHILE EARLIER ....... TRASHED? d MOI? d HELLO ONCE AGAIN AND AS THREATENED IN DEMO NUMER EINS OR THE "EZZ-DEMO"d AS I LIKE TO CALL IT. I SUPPOSE YOU ALL WANT TO KNOW WHAT I DID IN THIS DEMO APART FROM SWEARING AND PISSING OFF DAVE. WELL, IT WAS ME THAT BROUGHT LIFE TO AN OTHERWISE BRAIN-DEAD SCROLLTEXT AND IT WAS ALSO ME THAT HAD THE IDEA OF THE SCROLLING LANDSCAPE (I REALLY NICKED IT FROM A SPECCY DEMO, BUT DONT TELL DAVE THAT ) AND I ALSO HAD MANY OTHER IDEAS THAT WERE TURNED DOWN BY DAVE BECAUSE THEY WERE FAR AHEAD OF DAVIDS TINY MIND AND HE WAS JELOUS (BY THE WAY, I HAVE JUST HAD HIS MIND TRANSPLANTED INTO MY SPECCY TO MAKE IT RUN FASTER). IF YOU ARE HAVING TROUBLE READING THIS, IT IS PROBABLY BECAUSE THE SCROLLY IS GOING TOO FAST AND I HAVE NOT GOT ENOUGH SPACES IN MY BIT. OH WELL! 8.2 K GONE, 38K TO GO. IT IS A GOOD JOB THAT ACCENTS ARE NOT TRANSMITTED BY A SCROLLTEXT BECAUSE IF THEY WERE YOU WOULD BE TAKING THE ENDLESS PISS OUT OF MY DORSET DIALECT (DAVE HAS ONLY BEEN DOWN HERE FOR 5 YEARS SO HE 'AINT GOT NO ACCENT. HE USED TO LIVE IN OXFORD OR POOF LAND d AS WE CALL IT DOWN YUR... AND NOW I'LL DO MY HELLO'S OR b"CHEERS THENS" AS THEY ARE KNOWN BY. TA'S GO TO e NEIL BRIGGS (A DENIAL!)d AND GLEN "BASTARD" NICHOLLS OF OUR LOCAL BAND "INFINITY" BEN "PAIN IN THE ARSE" ASHBY bHE'S MY KID BRO' eRICKY "SOD OFF AARON I'M TRYING TO COPY BECKY'S HOMEWORK" BILLS DAVE "CAVEMAN" BANNAM EDDIE "I SNIFF SHERBERT" PARSONS b OR ePISS POT PARSONS THE PEVERTED PENIS GARETH "I'VE GOT SUCH BAD HEARING I CAN UNDERSTAND NIRVANA" TUCKER AND ANYONE ELSE WHO DOES NOT DESERVE TO BE FAMOUS FOR AROUND 2.14 SECONDS c TIME TO GIVE YOU MY ADDRESS. . . . . . . b"BIG EZZ" d 4 QUARRYd LANEd LONGBURTONd DARZET d c D T 9 5 N Y AND THAT'S MY LOT............ TIME TO SAVE THIS FILE BEFORE DAVE FINDS OUT ( DUBIOUS SOUNDS OF DISK DRIVE ) AND I WILL LEAVE YOU WITH MY FINAL WORDS..........bDRINK LIQUIDS..........EAT FOOD..........SHIT IN A BOG..........AND SMOKE TABS!..........c SEE YOU NEXT TIME!!!!!!! TIME TO WWWWWRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!! BYEEE!!!!!!!!! a
